hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
