just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
