it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
