he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There's even glitter on my cock...
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