I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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