Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
