that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dignity is for republicans.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
