I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
