she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
