The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
