It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
