Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
