Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
