just tell him i said nine months
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
