That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
