At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
