belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
