I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
