I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drunk is not a location!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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