I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
