True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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