New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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