I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
