Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
