I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
