$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
