Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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