If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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