So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
