I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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