so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
