drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
