anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The uberlube is also flammable
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
