I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
