I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
