Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
