the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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