put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
