You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
