I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I just put wine in my tea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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