Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
