Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
