Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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