I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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