I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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