just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
