I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
