You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
