I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
