I just pynch a tree in the face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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