No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
