She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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