Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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