Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
