Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
