In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
