My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
